Why I LOVE 1st Graders…Crayons, Safety Scissors and Farts!


I adore First Graders! They have no buffers, there is nothing in them that co-signs to being politically correct. As I volunteered in my son’s class today, I knelt to help a student with his safety scissors and cutting assignment. He needed help manipulating the safety scissors around a colored leaf and then it happened. I felt a warm sensation pass my nostril. He continued coloring a leaf in an intense brown with strokes of yellow and orange, never flinching. In a moment; I felt violated, stealth bombed as the smell of boiled eggs, egg salad, and OLD MAN wrapped in bubble wrap and molded cheese escaped his little 6 year old RUMP! I started feeling sad, like someone was injured in my presence and then the symphony began! “What is that S-M-E-L-L ?” whined one of his 6 year old classmates. Another one said, “What is BURNING?”, “Why do my eyes BURN?”; “Where is MY Mommy?” ; ” Something is stinky…is there a skunk here?” Then crayons started flying in the air and safety scissors hurled across the room as each kid dropped onto the alphabet carpet crying and screaming…MAKE IT GO AWAY…OPEN THE WINDOW…I DON’T WANNA DIE…I HAVEN’T BEEN TO DISNEYLAND YET!!! It was an all out chemical attack. And my 6 year old friend; just stood there humming and cutting his autumn leaf. Cool in the midst of the assassination he plotted…that’s why I LOVE 1st Graders! Authentic, void of pomp and circumstance!